My stint in the mad house brought this desire back under the spotlight of my mind, with the free time and encouragement I received there. I'd forgotten how great it felt to lose yourself and lose all track of time working on a project. When I got out I immediately bought myself a tablet, a copy of photoshop and painter. And then life encroached on my enthusiasm once more.
Not having attended more than a single class of college and getting lackluster grades in high school, I never properly learned the trait of discipline. Of working hard and seeing a project through to fruition, no matter the distractions. This has been a painful lesson that I keep attempting to learn again and again.
Seriously, who wants to work for 8 hours, come home and work more? There is housework, and kids, and after that you just want to decompress. To whittle down the pile of games to play, books to read, movies and tv shows to watch. Is that so bad?
And that's the excuse that I've allowed myself for three years now and it's time to break the habit. To break the me that's been holding my dreams back. I feel like I'm a broken record, looking back over old blog posts, trying to convince myself to finally do it. This may be the answer I've been looking for.
I've decided, if this is something I truly want to do with my life, if I want to pursue art as a career, then I need to start treating it with a level of professionalism I haven't in the past. I will treat it as a second job, something that I come home from my day job and continue working on. I've seen enough success stories to know that a little talent mixed with a lot of hard work pays off. Maybe not immediately but where would I rather be in five years? Five more years of excuses? Or five years worth of work I can look back on with pride.
Nobody's ever laid on their death bed saying, "Goddamn I wish I played more videogames."